Friday, July 3, 2009

Finishing the Day with What We Call Terrible

So...I right now just finished the day really bad. Have you ever heard of the quote,"Believe in the beauty of your dreams."? Well, I just feel like giving up on mine today. I mean when you're trying to reach something and you love it so much, you have a passion for it, but then you're not good at it. You LOVE it. You may be "good" at it, but you're not the best. You're not amazing. You're not incredible. You don't make people give standing ovations to you. You dream of that one day, but it's not happening. That's totally what's happening to me. Sometimes I feel like I did something wrong that made me have this kind of situation in my life right now. I try to help people. I do, and I feel like I have helped them with their problems. I listen. I love to inspire people, but I'm not getting anything for myself. I'm waiting, but it's not happening. No matter how hard I work, no matter how much I practice, it's not working out for me. I am not satisfied, and neither are those who critique me. It's like I'm declining to my dreams. I have nothing to hold me back, so why should this? I'm trying to be as strong as I can be, but I cannot hold it any longer. I will need to let go of this and move on. I am starting to believe that it's just not meant for me, and I wonder why I wasted years and months and days thinking about the future of what I wanted to do, doing and practicing, but in the end, it's a WASTE. Yes that word is powerful because I really feel that way. I feel like I've been wasting my time, and this is not what's meant for me. In the future, I don't want to look back and think about what I could have been if I had continued on what I was doing. Would I be too late to reach another dream because I've been blind this whole time? Or would I actually reach it? I think that if I give up now, I would have no regrets. I would look back and not stop. It was over. It's time for me to move on to what I am meant to do. All the compliments people give you. They are nothing now. They don't really mean anything because you know reality. You feel, and you KNOW, that you are not going to get there, so I'm very close to giving up on my dreams. I think I will as soon as this is all over. I'm tired of wasting my time. I really am, and I want to move on to something productive of my time. Thank you for reading my blog, and as you can see, this day really...UGH! Yeah UGH! Good night! Sweet dreams! God bless you!

Love, Camden

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